How to Stop Saying “I’m Fine” When You Are Not: A Guide to Actually Naming Your Emotions
- Djuan Short
- May 7
- 5 min read
How often have you been asked, “How are you doing?” and answered with, “I’m fine,” even when that was far from the truth?
I hear it in session. I hear it in passing. I’ve said it myself.
“I’m okay.”
“I’m good.”
“I’m fine.”
These are the phrases we use when we do not feel safe enough—or even clear enough—to say how we really feel. They are quick. Polite. Convenient. But often, they are not honest.
These words often become a quiet survival strategy, especially for women who lead, care for others, or carry the weight of being the strong one. But over time, this pattern of hiding how we really feel can create a slow erosion within disconnection, depletion, and the feeling of being unseen even by ourselves.
And I want to say this gently, without judgment...
The habit of saying “I’m fine” can become a mask.
A shield.
A survival strategy.
A way to move through the world without being vulnerable and prevent hurt and pain.
But what happens when that mask gets too heavy to carry?
When Emotional Suppression Becomes the Norm
As a trauma-informed therapist, I see firsthand how chronic emotional suppression creates distance between who you are and what you feel. This disconnection is often rooted in early experiences of emotional neglect, invalidation, or over-responsibility.
Many women I work with have spent years learning to perform wellness by smiling when they feel broken, helping others while ignoring their pain, and showing up but never slowing down. While this may look like resilience from the outside, internally, it often feels like exhaustion, numbness, or quiet rage.
This is why emotional honesty matters in relationships and within ourselves.
It is not about oversharing or being “emotional.” It is about being real.
Why “I’m Fine” Isn’t Always the Truth
So much is happening in the world, our homes, and our hearts. And yet, most of us—especially women and high achievers—have been taught to keep going.
To not burden others.
To keep our emotions tucked away.
To say “I’m fine” because we are not sure what would happen if we said anything else.
But here is something I want to offer you today...
Being emotionally honest is not about other people. It is about you.
Emotional honesty begins with being honest with yourself—even if that honesty never leaves your lips.
Even if no one else ever hears it.
How to Answer the Question: “How Are You Really Feeling?”
This question may sound simple, but self-connection is a doorway to something much deeper. When clients begin therapy, they often struggle to answer it, not because they do not care, but because they have never had permission to answer honestly.
That is why I guide people toward using a structured emotional check-in—a low-pressure practice that helps them name their feelings without judgment or overthinking.
Your Free Emotional Check-In Guide + Feelings Wheel
I created a free tool to help you do just that.
I use the same Feelings Wheel for adults in clinical sessions, especially when someone says, “I do not know what I feel” or “It is just...a lot.”
And that is the truth for many of us. When we are overwhelmed or burned out, our inner world becomes hard to attune to. The feelings are there, but they are blurry.
It comes with a step-by-step emotional check-in practice that teaches you to pause, breathe, and get honest with yourself without judgment.
How to Use a Feelings Wheel for Emotional Awareness
If you are new to emotional check-ins, here is how to get started:
Pause and Get Still
Your body carries emotional memories. Get still enough to notice what is showing uptightness, fatigue, and shallow breathing.
Find a quiet moment. Put your phone down. Let your body slow down, even if your mind is still racing.
Breathe with Intention
Three slow, deep breaths can calm your nervous system enough to let your feelings surface.
Take three slow, deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale. Again.
Ask Yourself: “How Am I Feeling?”
Let this be an honest question, not a performance. Use the Feelings Wheel to scan for words that resonate.
If nothing comes up—or if everything comes up—grab your Feelings Wheel. Let the words on the Wheel help you get closer to the truth.
Write Down 1–3 Emotions That Feel True
You might land on sadness, overwhelm, or even emptiness. Let that be enough.
Circle them. Say them out loud. Notice them.
Pick One Emotion and Ask: “Why Might This Be Showing Up Right Now?”
If the word insecure or angry stands out, ask, “What might this be connected to right now?”
Not to fix yourself. Not to analyze. But to listen. That is the beginning of self-trust.
Feelings Wheel for Adults With Examples
Let’s say your primary emotion is fear.
Using the Feelings Wheel, you might discover connected emotions like:
Nervous
Insecure
Exposed
Now, take a breath and ask yourself the following questions:
"What might be making me feel this way?"
"Did something happen today?"
"Did someone say something that triggered me?"
You are not judging yourself. You are learning how to name your emotions with care and curiosity.
These insights can bring powerful clarity. Instead of suppressing or minimizing your experience, you begin to hold space for it—something that is central to trauma recovery, emotional regulation, and building self-trust.
Why Naming Your Emotions Matters
To tame it, you have to name it...
When you can name what you feel, you give your nervous system a resting place.
You shift out of fight-or-flight and into clarity.
You begin to regulate rather than repress.
You create room for emotional truth, one of the deepest forms of self-respect.
Naming your feelings with intention means:
Supports emotional regulation
Builds your emotional vocabulary and the capacity to express yourself
Restores the connection between your body, mind, and truth
And no, you do not need to be an expert to know how you feel.
You do not need a psychology degree.
You do not need to explain yourself to anyone.
And if you have a history of masking your needs or people-pleasing to stay safe, this practice becomes more than self-care. This practice is for you.
Emotional Check-In Questions to Ask Yourself
Here are three simple prompts you can use this week to reconnect:
“How am I really feeling right now?”
Not what you think you should feel. What is there?
“What is one word that describes my mood?”
Use your Feelings Wheel to help if you get stuck.
“What might my feelings be trying to tell me?”
Go slow. No need to have a perfect answer.
A Simple Emotional Check-In Practice Even When Busy
I know your time is limited. But trust me—this does not take long.
Here is your 3-step check-in:
✅ Pause once a day and ask, “How am I really feeling?”
✅ Use the Feelings Wheel to name 1–3 emotions.
✅ Write one sentence about what those emotions might mean.
That’s it. No pressure. No performance.
You Deserve More Than “I’m Fine”
You do not have to keep carrying the weight alone.
You do not have to keep saying “I’m fine” when you are feeling anything but.
You deserve a space to be fully seen, supported, and guided back to yourself, with care, not judgment.
If this message resonated with you, it might be time to go deeper.
At Dahlia Rose Wellness Center, we empower women who lead and carry many responsibilities, often silently, by creating space for them to reconnect with themselves and begin healing with clarity, care, and intention.
Click here to request a consultation and learn more about how therapy can support your emotional wellness journey.
Let this be the first step in removing the mask—and reclaiming your voice.
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